inventing new rules just to break them
by pumpkinpickles
Summary: The 92nd Generation was indeed filled with jewels. Jewels that would destroy kitchens and drive culinary teachers insane with their antics, all in the name of cooking (which was just an excuse to screw around and buy equipment for the heck of it, really). [92nd Generation Elite 10 drabble series]
1. paperwork

"Hisako."

"No."

Souma drops into one of the chairs before the secretary's desk.

"I haven't even said anything."

Hisako's eyes flick to a document file she holds in her right hand, left hand clattering away over the keyboard.

"No, I will not do your paperwork for you." Hisako amends, eyes glued to the document. "You're predictable, Yukihira. Go bother someone else."

"Like Erina?" Souma picks up a loose piece of paper from the stack that sits neatly on Hisako's desk.

Hisako snorts, as if amused by the idea. "I'd like to see you try. Erina's out the whole day today, anyway."

Souma slaps the paper back on the top of the pile, a grin crawling over his face. He snaps his fingers, shooting a finger gun in Hisako's face. " _That's_ why you're doing paperwork! Your girlfriend isn't available for a date."

The keyboard makes a discordant sound. Hisako visibly flushes. With an irritated sigh, she looks up and points the file in the direction of the door.

"Bring your paperwork here and i'll explain all the jargon you don't understand. You can do the rest yourself."

"But -,"

"You'll have to learn how to sort and do paperwork eventually when you're running your own restaurant, you know. It's better to learn these things early." Hisako lectures, raising a brow.

Souma holds his hands up in surrender and stands up, moving backwards towards the door.

"...If I do all of it myself, can I use your neon page markers for sorting?"


	2. requests to be filled

Three sharp raps on Erina's door and already she wants to scream at the person to get out.

"Come in," she says instead. The heir to the Nakiri name must not act that undignified.

Hayama enters the spacious study room, a short nod his greeting. Erina feels the tension leave her body already. She wasn't sure how many more stupid requests she could handle arguing against this morning. Now, Hayama. Hayama would ask for something sensible.

"What is it, Hayama-san?"

Hayama opens his mouth, then closes it.

Oh no. A weight settles in Erina's stomach.

He sighs, looking to one side, runs his hand through his hair. The weight gets heavier. He opens his mouth, slams it shut, drops his hand, and sighs, again.

Erina is now positive that the weight has sunk lower than she ever had in the pursuit of Souma's expulsion two years ago.

"I'll save you the trouble. You're here on Alice's request, aren't you? Tell Alice I'm still against giving her the additional funds she asked for her "coke meets mint at an astronomical level" experiment. No, I don't care that it's for Science. No, I don't care how the findings can help the molecular gastronomy field. I'm not funding that colossal waste of resources."

A look of amusement flashes across Hayama's face. "No, i'm not here for that. I'm against that too, anyway."

"Takumi-kun, then? Tell him that i'm not approving for his Shokugeki against Souma either. Not until they change their decision to have melon soda and tabasco as the main ingredients. I don't even want to imagine what _kind_ of dishes they plan on making. Also, please relay to Yukihira that having "my virginity" as a wager is not approved, regardless of what Takumi-kun has agreed to. Or has not."

Hayama blinks once.

"Uh. I had no idea - But I'm not here for that either."

"Okay, then you're here on behalf on Kurokiba and Ibusaki-kun? Tell them the ban on them setting foot in the grand auditorium still stands. Just because they were bored during an assembly and that they're part of the Elite Ten is _not_ good reason to start smoking seafood backstage. The fact that there was a grill backstage for _whatever_ godforsaken reason is _not_ an excuse either. The curtains nearly caught on fire, for Tootsuki's sake!" Erina shakes her head, rubbing her forehead. "I don't care that Kurokiba was supposed to have a presentation on seafood preparation there next week he'd rather die than do. Like told him, reschedule or change a venue, but no cancelling of the presentation."

A wry snicker escapes Hayama.

"No, i'm not here for that either. But now that I think about it, Alice _did_ ask me to put in a good word for her project -,"

"No." Erina answers immediately. "Not in a million years."

"I'll tell her that." Hayama places a file on Erina's desk. "I actually came to ask for an approval on these order of spices. It's for the seminar."

"Oh." Erina picks up the file, snapping it open, leisurely scanning the contents.. "I don't see why you were so nervous to -." The file snaps shut, Erina's neck snapping next as she flings her head up in horror.

"Hayama-san. I understand that the seminar deals with exclusive spices, and that Tootsuki has nearly unlimited funds but this -." Erina lets out a semi-strangled sound. Hayama respectfully does not say anything about how unladylike it is. "This is outrageous!"

"To be fair, it is a one of a kind spice that's been newly discovered in East Asia. I simply wish to be one of the first to obtain it and study its properties."

Erina stares at Hayama, speechless. Unable to find anything to say, actually. Even to her, someone who'd grown up never seeing a penny, the figure was stunning. And Hayama wanted all that cash for some measly _plant_? She understood, of course, the significance the spice could have in his and Shiomi Seminar's culinary pursuit. But _still_. All those _zeroes_. She had actually lost count.

"Also," Hayama looks down, seemingly embarrassed. "Jun's birthday is coming up."

Realisation dawns on Erina. Her face softens into a smile. "Well. I'll pull some strings then."

Hayama brightens up instantly. For someone as taciturn as him, it was quite a sight to see unbridled wonder on his face.

"Alright. Thanks. I'll tell the others what you said too." He gives another nod, then turns to leave. At the double doors, he turns around, a mischievous, knowing smile on his face. "I won't tell them my request was the only one to be approved, either."

Erina flashes him a grin. "Thanks."

* * *

A/N: all hayama jun interactions in this series is familial


	3. intervention

Currently in the midst of fervent prayer, checking horoscopes, and doing dubious hand sign spells for good luck, was one Yukihira Souma.

"Yukihira, I understand that you have a compulsive sickness that makes you do at least one completely useless yet extravagant action every day, but what the hell is this?" Hayama asks.

" _Megumi_ asked for an intervention." Souma breaks off in the middle of a prayer to shoot back. "I've never seen her so serious. She's probably going to roast our asses when we get there. All of you should be praying too."

"I told you to stop taking her kindness for granted." Erina scoffs. "Besides, it's bad luck to stop a prayer midway, Yukihira."

"I'm not the one who keeps borrowing her manga and light novels and forgetting to return them." Souma says. "You're only this calm because you've never seen her get angry. You don't understand true fear until Tadokoro Megumi unleashes her wrath on you."

"You've seen Megumi-san _angry_?" Takumi asks incredulously.

"My, what a talent to have: angering anyone you come across." Alice giggles, sweetly grinning.

"He's exaggerating." Ibusaki interjects, cool as ever. "Megumi probably just wants to talk."

"No, it's gotta be something more." Souma says, "The last time I saw her this angry, i'd challenged Shinomiya-senpai for a Shokugeki against her expulsion. She _yelled_ at me for that. I still have nightmares."

"...So it was for a good cause?" Isami chuckles. "That's just like Megumi-san, isn't it. Like Ibusaki-kun suggested, Megumi-san probably just wants to discuss something important. If anything, you should be the one to be the least worried, since you understand her best. Unless…,"

"You fucked up and did something wrong to twintails." Ryou finishes, and Isami laughs.

Souma groans, and looks at the ground.

"I broke her glass dish the last time I went over to her room. A glass dish her mother sent over from her ryotan. A one of a kind glass dish her dad made." Souma admits, looking utterly shamefaced.

There's a pause. Everyone gapes at a dejected Souma.

"You're the worse!" Alice cries. "Worse than the worse! How could you do that to Megumi! My sweetest most lovely and perfect girlfriend! Why, I ought to sue you for emotional distress!"

"Terrible." Hisako shakes her head. "I can't believe someone like you exists on this Earth."

"Absolutely deplorable." Erina says. "Have you even apologised?"

"Yes! I have! But I still feel bad." Souma pulls his hands down his face.

"This is just your problem, isn't it. Why should _we_ be worried about Tadokoro-san's intervention?" Hayama says.

"He's right." Takumi agrees. "You can't run away anymore. We're at the kitchen."

Before Souma can say his last words or leave anyone with his will, Takumi opens the door.

"Ah! You're all here!" A very flustered Megumi greets them. "Uhm, sit anywhere! I'll be done in a moment."

As the rest of the Elite Ten crowds the room, Souma stands awkwardly by the doorway.

"Eh? Souma-kun? Why aren't you sitting down?" Megumi questions, blinking.

"I'm sorry for breaking your glass dish! I promise i'll give you something of equal value back!" Souma suddenly shouts, sweeping into a ninety degree bow before Megumi instantly.

"W-What? There's no need to be so worried about a silly old glass bowl!"

"But your dad -,"

"Is a glass artisan." Megumi says, looking genuinely confused as she forces Souma's back straight. "He can make a copy of that bowl, if that's what you're so worried about Souma-kun."

"So why did you call us here, Tadokoro?" Ryou interrupts.

"Right! Uhm!" Megumi rushes over to a nearby kitchen counter, where a tray of salads and juices sit.

Shyly bringing it forward, Megumi shuffles on the spot for a moment before speaking again. "I noticed that all of you seemed to be really tired, stressed and overworked these last few days, and haven't been eating well. Which is really bad. So I thought I could make some nutritious food for all of you to at least boost your energies a little and, well, I came up with these."

She holds up the tray, beaming. "Every dish and drink is different and caters to each of your tastes - at least, i hope it will - so I hope all of you will like it!"

As Megumi begins to hand out the food and drinks, Alice shuffles next to Souma.

"You're going to hell for ever doubting such an angel, Souma-kun." Alice singsongs.

"I know, but at least I'll see you there, devilspawn."

* * *

A/N: not really sure what i feel about this one. maybe ill edit/delete it in the future.


	4. strip poker

Cards fly into the air.

"I give up! You _have_ to be cheating Ibusaki-kun!" Alice pouts, jabbing an accusing finger in Ibusaki's direction.

"My cards are just really good." Ibusaki shrugs, looking completely satisfied with the fifth royal flush he has laid down in front of him.

"That's some freakish luck." Souma scratches the back of his head with his two pair. "Anyway, time to strip."

Souma swiftly pulls his shirt off his head, tossing it behind him to the bed.

Alice eyes him up and down, then nods in approval. "This game _does_ have it's perks, I suppose."

The cards in Isami's hand stutter in the midst of their shuffle as the faux dealer snickers. "Another round?"


	5. treat yo self

"I can't do this anymore." Takumi says suddenly. He stares at the cookbook he was browsing with newfound insights.

"Can't do...what Takumi-kun?" Megumi asks cautiously, lowering her mechanical pencil.

Takumi leans back. "This." He repeats, emphasising the word by slowly spreading his arms out.

"This?"

" _This_. It's too much, Megumi-san." Takumi drops the book on the table. The chair makes an unpleasant scraping noise when Takumi stands up. "We're stopping. We're not doing anymore. We've been prepping for this damned theory test for too long."

"Well, I guess it has been a couple hours - ," Megumi's words die out when she turns to look out the window at the darkening sky. "O-Or maybe an entire day…."

"We deserve something. Something good for all this hard work." Takumi looks at Megumi, smiling broadly. "Want to make cookie dough and eat it?"

There's a split second where all Megumi can think about is food safety, salmonella, and hygiene. Then the second passes, and she's linking her arm with Takumi's offered arm.

"Gladly."


	6. budget problems

Ibusaki stares at the bill, then tilts his head to stare at its trailing tail. It rolls beyond the doorway. He promptly gives up trying to see the end of the very long stretch of paper.

The accountant sitting next to Ibusaki stares disapprovingly at the culprits standing before them.

Megumi scuffs her shoe against the hardwood board, looking like she singlehandedly caused the apocalypse to happen. Alice and Ryou stand on both sides of her, looking absolutely unabashed.

"I-I'm so sorry, Hayama-kun, Ibusaki-kun. I should have stopped them from getting so much, b-but…!" Megumi meekly starts.

"They were selling fresh seafood and natural sea salt at rock bottom prices." Ryou cuts in, staring down Hayama's glare. "You'd have to be an _idiot_ not to buy down the entire market."

Hayama takes the bill from Ibusaki's hands, reeling back the long stretch of paper. "Seeing this, I wouldn't be surprised if you did."

None of the three can look Hayama in the eye.

"Oh my fucking _god_."


	7. stress is terrible

There is a certain point in the semester when Isami begins to rightfully worry about his fellow council members. Certain point being the weeks before their practicals exam.

Some are good with dealing with stress, like Alice and Hisako. Others, not so much.

"What _is_ that, Yukihira?" Ryou asks, wrinkling his nose with disgust. The 1.5 litre water bottle filled with oddly greenish-orange brew pauses on it's way into Souma's mouth.

"Oh." Souma glances down at the bottle. "It's three different energy drinks mixed with vitamin C tablets. Made it myself."

Isami holds back a retch. Alice doesn't.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it." Souma says, with no fear of God left in his eyes as he takes a huge and long gulp.

For the past five days, Ryou has had an astounding accumulative three whole hours of sleep. He figures this might be the last kicker he needs to truly die on the inside.

"Hand it over, Yukihira." Souma helpfully aids Ryou on his quest to utter numbness to sleep.

"Your digestive system's going to suffer," Isami says, snatching the bottle out of Souma's hands and out of Ryou's reach. Ryou growls, and Alice flicks him in the forehead.

"Listen to Isami-kun." Alice scolds. She looks over to Isami to say something (hopefully not to ask for the concoction herself) but takes one look behind him and _shrieks,_ "Takumi-kun, no!"

Isami has never seen Alice move faster. She slaps a hand tightly over Takumi's mouth, snatching a pot of black coffee right out of his hands.

"Black coffee is bad for unmoisturised skin! Don't try to make any excuses, I _know_ you haven't been keeping up with your skincare lately!" Alice lectures, slamming the pot onto the table.

Huffing, Alice starts pushing an unresisting Takumi out the office. "Honestly, you men! Don't you know how to properly take care of yourselves? Such troublesome creatures! I don't need my aide or anyone else in the council fainting, I don't enjoy the extra paperwork. So all three of you are going back to the Nakiri estate to _sleep_. And do facial masks. Isami-kun, if I could trouble you to bring Ryou-kun and Yukihira-kun to the car?"

Without a single word, Isami scoops Souma under one arm, then hoists a protesting Ryou over his shoulder with the other.

"My thoughts exactly, Alice-san." Isami shoots Alice a charming, relieved smile. "I was ready to knock them out myself."

Alice chuckles. "I would have liked to see that."


End file.
